The longest 45-minutes in my life..

Why was that?

There was a conference recently, and my COO was supposed to be a speaker as my CEO was out of the country. My COO refused to speak to my marcomm manager since his name was listed as a speaker. My marcomm manager went gu-gu-ga-ga, and decided to put my name then, 3 days before the event.

My schedule was so hectic last week that I didn't have time to prepare. And since it was more like a panellist session, I didn't really need to prepare slides. But then the moderator said he will send my questions prior to the session...and yes he did, but not the questions, but only the subject that he's going to ask questions on.

And to top it all, one of the panellists chickened out. He was actually out there, but insisted that that was supposed to be his boss' session. Hey, his name was already on the program book! Why should he chickened out? Unlike me, my name wasn't even there, and to make matters worst, the MC announced me as an Encik.. (yeah..like this never happen before..)

So there were just two of us left, which meant more questions to be asked.

When I looked at the crowd, my heart just stopped, and my whole body felt numb. I felt my blood rushed up to my face and spine. Suddenly the surrounding became so warm when infact just before that Mama was like tergigil-gidil kesejukan. Mama ni kan anti-social sikit - quite reclusive kan.. mana la biasa public appearance macam ni. I'm ok with a small group of customers, and doing presentation everyday is nothing. But..this involved so many people, press, research companies etc.. I felt like going back to my mother's womb.

So when the moderator asked me questions, I frozed first, and then just answered a short one, I think. Though my colleague did say I answered with full confidence etc etc.. I still think I didn't give it my best when I ran through the scenes again and again. I could have elaborated on my subjects further.

But then again, it was already over... no need to have sleepless nights about it. Though deep down inside I feel like I could have done better. Maybe next year I would want to give it another shot.. I want to overcome my fear and eventually get rid of it. Maybe..